This blog is a place for nudity. Nude bodies AND nude thoughts. So that means no covering up or masking the not-so-positive thoughts. These days I am more than comfortable for anyone and everyone to see me naked (which is a good job as there’s now naked photos of me all over the internet). But this hasn’t always been the case.
I want to talk about the times when I wasn’t comfortable getting naked, the times when I wasn’t even comfortable with clothes on, when I felt ugly and uncomfortable in my own skin. I’ve spent a large part of my life feeling like this and I want to talk about it because I know I’m not a rarity. I know that almost everyone feels like this at some point in their lives. And some people go through their whole lives feeling uncomfortable in their own bodies, and that bloody sucks! But in nature I have found an escape from it so I want to share my thoughts with you.
Each one of us has our different issues, our certain bits that we prod and poke disapprovingly in the mirror or that we fixate on when we see a photo of ourselves. Some of us feel too fat and look at our friends and wish to have bodies like them. Meanwhile our friends are feeling too skinny and wishing they had more curves. Some women have no boobs and some men have man boobs. We all have our individual complaints. It is impossible to tell from the outside what’s going on in someone’s head and what issues are plaguing them. My own list of complaints has always been a long one: flabby belly, small boobs, hairy in many places that women “shouldn’t” be hairy, wonky teeth, flat bum, big birthmark, wobbly thighs etc etc. Depending on my mood on the day it could be longer or shorter, but basically, I was always putting myself down. Always comparing myself to others, seeing the good in them and the bad in me.
I have felt so much pressure over my lifetime to conform and perform. To live up to society’s standards of appearance. So many magazines, TV shows, movies and advertisements telling me I am only beautiful if I “use this make-up” or “buy this dress” to “look like this”. And shock horror!!… None of it made me look like that! So, for years I didn’t feel like enough. Society told me I wasn’t enough. It effected my relationships; I was jealous of pretty girls my boyfriends were friends with. I was untrusting because I didn’t believe anyone could really love me as I was, I was jealous of friends who were better looking than me and at times the lack of confidence held me back. Any of this sound familiar to you?
It can really screw people up, all this comparison we do. It causes eating disorders, relationship breakups, depression and even suicide. All because we are bombarded with a picture of what beautiful is and made to believe we must aspire to be that. As a woman I only know the pressures that women feel and I do believe it is an issue that faces women more than men. I feel like there is a much heavier weight put on us to be “beautiful”. But guys I am sure that plenty of you feel the pressure too and I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on the matter.
My escape from this world of comparison came in the form of venturing out into nature where there is no-one to compare myself to. Mother nature doesn’t give a monkey’s what I look like when I’m out there getting naked in the woods. In spending time out there, I have had the time to become comfortable with my body and learnt to love it for being strong and capable. While out there I felt a connection to nature that taught me that I am part of this wonky, wobbly world and it is okay to be wonky and wobbly here and there. I am made up of the same stuff as the trees, the bugs, the birds and the flowers and we are all important parts of this planet.
This book I am writing and my social media pages are my way of sticking the middle finger up to the shallow, body shaming culture of this modern world. The magazines that publish photos of celebrities looking their worst, the tv shows about which clothes you should wear, the makeup companies encouraging you to paint your face every day and the endless Instagram influencers who only publish photos of themselves looking perfectly preened. To all of you I say “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!” I say “This is how I was made and I’m not ashamed of it! Kate Uwins looks like this and she’s not going to try to look like anyone else!”
And to those of you who resonate with any of what I am saying, I say “Come join me in this world of liberation. The water is warm, take off your clothes and jump in.”